Ahh those jingle bells are ringing, and as we peer off into that snowy night waiting for the sound of reindeer hoofs landing on our rooftop—followed by that bellowing ho ho ho of good ole Saint Nick…
Aww heck—who are we trying to kid. Here are 10 silly, offensive or just plain weird Native-themed Christmas gifts we found online. These gifts are sure to bring a “what the…” to your lips.
We’ve all seen the Nativity scene in various ways, but who thought this Native American version would come complete with a little drummer boy, bear, buffalo, horse, eagle, teepee and an assortment of Native figures. Giving credit where credit is due, the three wise men do seem to have different types of regional regalia.
Elizabeth Warren Luggage Tag
If you are traveling for the holidays, make sure to keep the conversation going about Elizabeth Warren and her “Cherokee” heritage in the airport baggage claim. This luggage tag is a real conversation starter.
Hey Johnny Depp fans! Fear not, this real-life wannabe Tonto headdress is now on CLEARANCE! Although considering it is made of authentic feathers and comes complete with the crow topper, I’m surprised they have any of these left to sell. Better move quick before they are gone!
Tomahawk Peace Pipe
Are you on the fence between getting your loved one a tomahawk or a peace pipe? Fear not! Here is a gift that’s both! That’s right, all you have to do is throw tradition out the window and combine these items for a true Christmas treat! Don’t worry about being offensive, you’ve got two things in one!
Teepee Bear Clock
Are you tired of looking at what time it is without being reminded of Native American culture? Do you also want to know what time it is with the help of a ferocious and scary grizzly bear? Then get this clock and experience some real culture in real time.
Arrow Through the Head
If you are old enough to remember Steve Martin and how he used to use an arrow through the head as a gag in his routine, then you will know the amazing laughs you will get if you use a “Native American” arrow! Because it is authentic, you are sure to get even more laughs than Mr. Martin!
Lone Ranger Comanche Camp
Not wanting to let the influence of Johnny Depp’s Tonto fall by the wayside, we are also celebrating an actual real-life Comanche camp with giant Lego scorpions to boot. Don’t mind that the expressions of the Indians look really angry—everyone knows Indians don’t smile.
This Indian chief is a must have for any doll collector who likes to wake up in the middle of the night certain they heard something walking around in the kitchen. “Wait, honey, did you hear something? I think the doll moved… have you seen our chef knives?”
Nothing invokes the Christmas spirit more triumphantly than an offensive post card from the 1950s. Simply search eBay for terms like “savage,” or “offensive Native American” and you should be able to score a special surprise for that loved one on the top of your Christmas list.
Similar to the post card—again eBay can score a plethora of offensive savage comics to fulfill that offensive Native genre. Don’t forget that there are also such offensive items as romance novels, sports gear and of course, modern school textbooks.