Yes we’ve heard all the stories of jolly old Saint Nick, sneaking into our houses, eating all our cookies, leaving presents under the tree and being spotted on rooftops all over the world. But with all the holiday cheer involved, there are several indications Santa Claus is NOT Native American.
He Still Has All His Reindeer
Considering a popular Inupiat recipe is reindeer stew, and none of the stories tell of Santa ever enjoying this particular dish, this is a sure-fire indicator he is not Native.
It’s Just Him and Mrs. Claus
I don’t know about you, but I don’t know of any Native people without a plethora of cousins, grandkids, brothers, sisters or other family members hanging around their house—sharing food or gossip or sleeping on the couch. He’s also never invited any of us over during powwow season.
Just Cookies—Never Frybread
Cookies are great and all when delivering presents, but he’s never asked for frybread?
No Bumper Stickers on Sleigh
You know you can spot another Native family by the Native-oriented bumper stickers all over the car. These stickers say things like, “Homeland Security since 1491,” “Indians Discovered Columbus” or “I’m Native American and I discovered your house!” Santa has none of these on his sleigh! Not even a powwow sticker!
Long Hair, But No Braids
All that long hair and no braids? A Native Santa would definitely represent, he’d probably be a two-braid boy.
That Full Beard
No partially grown scruff, no hairless patches, no wiry-looking wannabe facial hair, Saint Nick has a full glorious beard. Nuff said.
The Clincher: Santa Is Always On Time
No Indian time excuses, no showing up late once things have got started. Santa Claus delivers. If this doesn’t convince you, nothing will.