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8 Ways to Tell: Your Native Momma Is So Traditional…

Trying to write a satirical article in the spirit of momma jokes, we thought we would give this topic a spin. When we posted a satirical photo in Facebook, a lot of folks expressed discontent at the possible dishonoring of our moms. Point taken – and dear mom, we meant no disrespect.

However, this does not mean that we haven’t heard our share of momma jokes. We wanted to get in on this so called bandwagon and try our own attempt at making fun of ourselves.

Sooo…Is your Native momma so traditional pow wows wait for her? Do rabbits wait in line to be part of her soup? Does she know so many people the BIA calls her? Without calling anyone in particular – here are the ways to tell the joke, You’re Native Momma is so Traditional…

Eagles wear strands of her hair to honor her

Now that is traditional. Not just that they weave them into their nests, wear them as necklaces and much more – thanks to Jason M’Sadoques for this one.

She gets excited by Roadkill

No Roadkill is safe from this traditional mom, whether it is feathers, scales or fur – this traditional Native mom has a use for it. Don’t even think about complaining when you have to stop the car either, or you may be the next victim on the road. Thanks Siri Sema.

Her undergarments are beaded or made of buckskin

Are your Native Momma’s undergarments NOT found in a catalog but instead are hand beaded or made from Buckskin? Then she is definitely super traditional. Take that Victoria’s Secret, and thanks to John GunHammer and Samantha Rainbow for these funny tidbits of truth.

She chews deer hide for your summer dress

Ok Rachel Sheppo, this traditional mom is going to be a tough one to beat, just make sure to iron out those teeth marks before you take that dress out in public. Wait, can you iron deer hide?

Her biggest weapon is “That Look”

Anne Littlewolf on Facebook summed up that scary look Native moms can get perfectly… She didn’t need weapons; she could frighten others with “that look” that mothers used to have! She could chase enemies (or rotten kids) away with just the power of her face—that’s SOME medicine! Thanks Anne.

She can spank anyone’s kids in the entire tribe

Several people on social media laid this one down. We all know that Native Mom that is so traditional no one is safe from a swat, not even the chief. Be on your best behavior when this traditional mom is around! In fact I might get one for writing this article.

If you both need to go somewhere, she still pulls out the backboard

“Don’t think you are too old either. Because you are not young man/young lady…I brought you into this world and I can take you out. Now back up against this board while I strap you in.” Do we need to say anything more? Thanks to Judy Delgado for this one.

And by far the most popular – Animal spirits come to HER for guidance.

Is your Native Momma so traditional she is a veritable Native Female “Dr. Doolittle”? Is she surrounded by bears, elk, buffalo, eagle and moose spirit animals – then she wins as the most traditional Native Momma. Thanks to John Crawford who blew up the ICTMN Facebook comment section with 91+ likes and growing.

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